With all the merriness and festivities that came with Christmas and New Year, The Newb Review thought we’d commission Crofterz to stop the world from exploding (you can thank us later) by balancing it all out with some good old fashioned anger and misery. Join him as he takes us through the critically acclaimed wasteland of Fallout 3.
You may accuse me of cheaply bashing “Fallout 3” just to provoke reaction, enraging people into commenting and emailing in order to gain a few extra visitors to the site, and you know what? You’re right (well… partly).
I know how beloved Fallout 3 is to a lot of you gaming folk. It’s so beloved in fact that it has spawned multiple DLC packs and a Game of the Year edition of the game… But I just don’t get it.
You know how it feels when your friends are talking about the latest and coolest programme on TV, but when you sit down to watch it for yourself you wonder how anybody could possibly find it enjoyable? Well, that’s exactly how I feel about Fallout 3.
Combining both elements of a First Person Shooter and a Role Playing Game (a combination of which has more recently been used as the basis for Borderlands, although it was improved massively). Fallout 3 is a jack of all trades, master of none. Yes there is typical first person shooter gameplay in there, but it’s nowhere near as exciting or rewarding as something like a Call of Duty or Battlefield.
The VAT system (a slow motion system which pauses the game to queue up shots on the different body parts of your enemies) in particular is a shining example of what Fallout 3 is. It sounds exciting, interesting and refreshing, but ultimately it’s utterly disappointing. The system is fun to use at first, but the novelty quickly wears off and it starts to become more and more apparent that the it only breaks up the gameplay to make it feel less fluid.
Perhaps comparing it to the likes of Call of Duty or a Battlefield is absurd, considering the RPG elements are seemingly what makes the game great. But the RPG elements aren’t even work that well. I mean it’s not a Final Fantasy is it?
Yes the RPG elements work within the game, but they lack the depth and excitement of a true RPG. The story is anything but exciting (it’s mind numbingly boring) and lacks direction. I want a challenge, but when I have to wander around for hours (and I am being literal here) trying to find out where to go, that just isn’t fun. And yes OK, I don’t want a game that is going to hold my hand; but at least give me a sodding clue!
On the face of it the experience of wandering around aimlessly through a barren wasteland, struggling to survive, is perhaps what the developers are trying to give the player. What they failed to remember is that they also needed to make the game fun. It’s all just depressing, bleak and drab; much like the actual prospect of a world post nuclear fallout.
Now I think about it Fallout 3 might possibly be the most depressing experience I’ve ever had from a game (which is quite an achievement considering I’ve not only played but completed Assassin’s Creed 1 and Condemned 2; a game in which you play a drug adled, alcoholic, homeless, tramp, fighting to the death with other similarly gruesome tramps in order to get your next fix).
This lovely depressive feeling is also hammered home due to the fact that literally everything is trying to kill you! In Fallout 3 not only do you have to contend with the various enemies that attack you, you also have to cope with radioactivity, alcoholism and drug addiction. The very water you drink gives you radiation poisoning and the drugs you take to enhance your character become addictive. It’s all just one sadistic trail after another. I’ve heard of making a game hard but Fallout 3 really takes the biscuit.
I don’t know what version of Fallout 3 you fanboys have played but it certainly isn’t the same version I’ve played. Fallout 3 is almost totally devoid of fun. I can only assume that you guys like playing insanely difficult games (so hard they were used as tortures devices in Guantanamo Bay) that contain mediocre gameplay and a completely mundane story. Come to think of it, I don’t know whats worse, playing Fallout 3 or being subjected to Chinese water torture.
How can you have this much love for a game that a) offers you great gameplay mechanics such as making your own weapons from completely useless odds and sods (oooo! *puts on a cheesy smile*) and b) pretty much forces you to make your own fun; a part of games that I actually f*cking detest, unless it’s a Crackdown game.
How lazy can Bethesda get? Not only do you have to make your own weapons but you also have to make your own fun? What next? Make your own levels? How about you don’t get so caught up in the big hype machine surrounding Fallout 3 and make up your own minds?
Perhaps I’m being a little harsh, or perhaps I’m totally wrong and like I said, I simply don’t get it. What I do know is, I simply don’t care. but what is seriously making me grind my teeth (they are now just stumps of calcium) is all this “perfect game” nonsense that all you Fallout 3 cultists are spouting. So please stop.
Now if you’ll excuse me I must dash to seek safety in my own purpose built fallout shelter. Hopefully this will protect me from the inevitable onslaught of death threats and insults that are sure to come my way.
See you in another 10 years!