The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Nintendo’s hardcore fans live in constant longing: Longing to see those core franchises that are the only things keeping us loyal to the Japanese giant (Nintendo that is, not Godzilla). Mario, Samus, Kirby, Pikmin, Fox and Link. Need I say more? Well I guess this would be a pretty crappy piece if I didn’t.

With a graphical style somewhere between Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword is the first Zelda game designed for the Wii. That should be exciting but without the mystery of next generation graphics and gameplay and with Nintendo’s distressingly fading mojo recently, the hype for Skyward Sword has undoubtedly taken a hit.

But, take away the psychological hype factors and you will remember that Nintendo have never made a bad Zelda game. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword will be a great game, I assure you.

The graphical style will allow the visuals to shine through with colour, beautiful design and fluidity. There will be new gameplay features, which will actually work, when the game is finished. The world will be more massive and full of charm and life than ever. The music score will make your heart pound while melting your face. Lastly, and possibly most importantly, the story will be set in the same time span as The Ocarina of Time. No Zelda game was as deep and well told as The Ocarina of Time. We could be in for an emotional feast. Are you not entertained?

Also… Link finally has a voice! That’s right, Link will be voiced by none other than Nolan North. I am lying of course. Link will be as silent and sexually frustrated as ever. Just the way Zelda likes him.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

One of the most loved games of all time.

There aren’t many games that have made me emotional while playing, others being; Final Fantasy VII and Streets of Rage 2 (those end credits still set me off).

Normally, when playing games on handheld consoles, I tend to turn the sound off and play in short bursts only. Ocarina of Time will be the first portable game in a long time, for which I will not only Plug in my earphones but also find time to sit and play it through in a quiet place, away from distraction with a cup of hot chocolate. Not on the toilet. You can’t get emotionally involved while on the toilet. It’s scientific fact.

Link is awakened by Navi, the ever annoying fairy (Hey, Listen!) in Kokiri Forest and is quickly embroiled in a massive adventure, which takes Link not only over vast distances but also through time. Link travels over grassy plains, scales towering mountains, delves deep underground and enters living, breathing woods. Sounds good doesn’t it? He’s pretty outdoorsy, is our Link.

Now that I’m fully adjusted to the 3D depth of Nintendo’s magic top screen, I can’t wait to see how beautiful Hyrule will look, with a fabulous graphical upgrade. I actually really appreciate the added depth to the 3DS screen. It really does draw you in to the landscape and immersion is a key to the Zelda franchise.

I do have a couples of concerns to quash a little of my optimism. Looking at the side by side screenshots, it is clear that the remake has added a lot of detail to the world. I’m sure the extra colour, brightness and detail will add a lot to the graphics but some of those dark, gloomy characters and environments are what made the original so haunting and powerful. Maybe the improved lighting engine will counteract this. We’ll just have to see. In any case, I don’t think this is any reason not to be excited about the game.

Let’s just hope that the release of this powerhouse will be the restart that Nintendo desperately needs for the, as of yet, poorly supported handheld.

- Joe Finn

We’ve attached ourselves to so many games growing up, which ironically are becoming seemingly easier to get a hold of as time goes on. The Playstation Network and the Xbox Live Arcade have become a haven for gamers with an inkling towards more old-school titles. Gamers of all tastes, no matter how picky, are becoming well catered for. But it is this trend of re-releasing old games that conjures a particular unease in me.

I spent hours playing Soul Calibur on the Dreamcast, but the 360 port failed to keep my attention

If you yearn for the classic Final Fantasys on the Playstation and feel like hanging with Cloud and his posse, just like old times, now you can pick them up on PSN for a very affordable price. Oh how I used to worship Soul Calibur on the Dreamcast, I put hundreds of hours into that puppy, believe me. But these days you can pick that up on XBLA for chump change too; it’s even in HD and tarted up a bit – how convenient! Even venerable and much sought after Sega Saturn classics Radiant Silvergun and Guardian Heroes, currently on the market for around £200 and £60 respectively, are being treated to HD-o-Vision on your friendly current generation machines. Developed by Treasure, the name would seem conceited if their games weren’t treated as such.

Gems like these, normally hoarded by the wine sloshing elitists of the free world, are to me losing some of their attraction and lustre for being so readily available for a quick download. Proud of that copy of Vagrant Story on the PSone you’ve kept in immaculate condition all these years? Sorry kid, I ain’t impressed. Played that the other week on my PS3 for a few bob.

A lot of people take pride in collecting things, I can accept that. Shiny trinkets that could be seen as crap to some, are solid gold to others. Gaming has accumulated it’s fair share of holy grails over the years, that can be revered just as much as a classic album or film. It’s just such a shame that digital distribution is reducing things to a more disposable level, even if it is making games more accessible than ever.

Of course, these remakes do have their own benefits. Dreamcast and PS2 games on the original hardware are the equivalent of spearing rusty forks into your eyeballs when viewed on my HD telly, so it’s somewhat comforting to have an old game looking and running better than you remember. In particular, I’m looking forward to Shadow of the Colossus and ICO remastered on the PS3 with some anticipation. I recall my PS2 pleading with me, begging for mercy as soon as a hulking Colossi made itself known on-screen (maybe I just imagined that part), and I’m sure the PS3 will whip those masterpieces into shape and make for even more enjoyable experiences.

Will the release of Ocarina of Time on the 3DS devalue my precious gold cartridge?

However, it’s inexplicably more satisfying to play these old titles running on their intended kit in most cases. The tactile buzz of whacking that golden Zelda: Ocarina of Time cart into the N64 and taking on Hyrule with the same dinner-plate controller you did back in 1998, in the knowledge that the game design and visuals is pushing ever iota out of the machine, subjectively feels so much better to me than when it’s running on a console that could obviously do so much better. It’s hard to appreciate the once revolutionary Final Fantasy VII on the same console you just played Metal Gear Solid 4 with. Zelda: OoT on the 3DS felt like a damp squib when I managed to get some hands on time earlier in the year. Sure, it has some crisper visuals and some added bits and bobs that set it apart from it’s original, but a brand new Zelda built around the technology of the 3DS would have been even more mind blowing.

This is all just subjective when I think about it. I suppose it’s relatively easy to port these games, guaranteeing a quick buck for those that aren’t willing to break the bank to produce a properly meaty blockbuster. I mean it’s win-win, safe, a minimal risk. These games are proven and have a place in the hearts and minds of gamers so it doesn’t take a genius to realise just why they do it.

Perhaps I’m just being selfish. Videogames should be for everybody, right? Why should I be the pantomime villain that keeps all of the good stuff to myself? All while everybody else musing that Call of Duty is the dog’s gonads. All of these re-releases are a good thing, it’s just that something has been lost in the process. Retro paraphernalia used to be something truly worth pursuing, now it just seems to be becoming a nice luxury for people (like myself), a little too sentimental about old hats. I don’t know, there’s something a little sad about the whole shebang to me.

- Jason Borlase

Prepare your ears!

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You’re travelling through another dimension — a dimension not only of dancing goombas and insatiable pink blobs, but of manipulative, teasing princesses. A journey into a platonic land, where the only boundaries are those that exclude sexuality and violence. That’s a signpost up ahead, your next stop: The Nintendo Zone!

The Nintendo Zone is a place created by men. These men want you to go on an adventure, but they don’t want you to know cold or pain. They want you to experience love, but never act upon it. They would have you smelling the flowers in a blood soaked battlefield, while masses of bodies lie heaped next to you, unnoticed.

The Sheltered Zone

Tranquillity, peace, harmony and serenity are all words that really can’t be used to describe Nintendo games. In fact, the Mushroom Kingdom, Hyrule, Lylat, The Jungle and other habitats of the Nintendo Universe are raging war zones.

So what is the Sheltered Zone and what is its purpose? It’s a place where biology is thrown out of the window and blood does not exist. It’s a place where even enemies smile and dance happily as they try to kill you. It’s a place where the good guys always win, everything is colourful and everything is cute.

The Sheltered Zone is a veil of lies to protect our delicate minds. If you look a little closer you will see that the Nintendo Universe is actually full of slavery, misery, pain, war and corruption. They are just hidden behind a layer of bright colours, soft shapes and fun melodies.

Mario is always trying to save Peach, but to do this, he curb stomps thousands of soldiers, who are just following orders. He could just jump over their heads but instead he chooses to kill them. And on those occasions when he fails, he is sometimes killed with a single touch. He falls into bottomless pits, drowns in underground rivers and is burned alive in lava. But Mario’s comical ‘happy fat plumber’ appearance, the lack of real gore and the forced, grim smiles carried by the faces of goombas as their heads are pounded nonchalantly into the ground are all it takes for the public to turn a blind eye.

In the Zelda games, Link follows a similar pattern of war and death. But this ‘hero’s’ favourite pass time is raiding sacred temples, breaking everything in sight and stealing ancient weapons. He also sneaks into people’s houses, wreaks their pottery, steals their money then proceeds to go outside and ruin their crops. He also has something against chickens. He really doesn’t eat Halal.

Petty theft is also one of the ongoing problems in the Pokemon World. “Trainers” all over the world casually stroll into other people’s homes and read their books, steal their pokeballs and take whatever else they find lying around.

But this pales in comparison to the real issue in the pokemon world: Animal fighting and slavery. It really says something about the amazing work Nintendo do with making things seem friendly and cute, because this one could have caused a media frenzy. In the game, people use animals to fight other wild animals until near death. They are then caught and enslaved too. All of this is considered normal in the world of pokemon. The drivers of this industry are status and money. After every battle, including street fights, the winner takes money as his prize. Yes, gambling is definitely at the root of this deplorable practice. But the whole thing is sugar coated with the image of a loving relationship between man and pokemon.

Get Him Pikachu

The situation is even more complicated by the obvious intelligence of pokemon. They aren’t all simple animals living on instincts, they are intelligent beings. Some can even talk our language! These pokemon are rarely kept in balls but they are still slaves to their human masters, forced to brutally beat down their own kind. Sick.

The Friend Zone

This is possibly the most punishing of all the levels of the Nintendo Safe Zone, and a place where almost every character is doomed to stay. It is the place where any activity from flirting to fornication is completely repressed. Male and female characters are often reduced to staring at each other for long periods of time, feigning admiration, their mind actually working in overtime trying to imagine every possible way they could bend their friend.

The worst thing about the Nintendo friend zone isn’t that Mario, Link and others are being kept hostage in this zone with no hope of liberation. It’s that they are constantly expected to chase around the princesses that they want so badly. They’re stuck in a never ending cycle. Just when they think they are free (1 day from retirement), they are called back into service. They toil through epic adventures, killing droves of enemies, in hopes that their endeavours may pay off.

This is what celibacy does to Hyrulians

Alas, they fight in vain. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. There is no reward but the paper thin friendship of a shallow tease. Sorry guys but you went and ‘put it on a pedestal’ and they will never appreciate you. You aren’t their type. You will never be more than a tool.

One exception that proves the rule is Star Fox. Fox McCloud is implied to be “with” Krystal. One of the endings of Star Fox Command on the DS shows the pair with their child Marcus McCloud on Fox’s shoulders. However there is no romance featured in the game and in fact, before Star Fox Command, Krystal had left Star Fox to join their rivals, Star Wolf.

Even in the relationships that exist in Nintendo games, there is almost no physical contact, whatsoever. They leave that for the hardcore fans imaginations (hence all the metroid/princess fan art and fan fiction). There are a couple more exceptions of lead characters in relationships but I’ll leave that to you to talk about in the comments.

The Nonsensical Zone

Two great adventures happening in the game development world are the pursuit of utter realism and the battle for the most bizarre. Some developers opt to create a world as close to ours as they can (“It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth” – name that quote in the comments).

Nintendo have pretty consistently chosen to go down a different path. That path is littered with strange creatures underfoot, walked by even stranger ones and surrounded by living, breathing environments. Any attempt to render the fantastic Nintendo world in a “realistic” form would only result in a twisted abomination. I shudder at the thought.

The white one is blatantly going to turn evil in Pikmin 3

Let’s look for example at the world of Pikmin, for use of a more abstract example. A tiny man (Olimar) lands his rocket ship on a world (Earth?) inhabited by strange little plant creatures called Pikmin. These cute little freaks of nature quickly trust Olimar and immediately appoint him their leader. They multiply at an alarming rate by feeding an onion spaceship (really?) with various size tablets that fall from large plants. Olimar also throws Pikmin at giant insects and other creatures, which the Pikmin quickly devour like floral army ants.

Look at Nintendo’s major franchises closely and think about the reality of the concepts and characters and you may end up with some strange nightmares.

So, in the future, when you are in the playing your Wii, DS or even 3DS, think about what I’ve written here and scratch past that sugar coating. You’ll see that things are never what they seem in The Nintendo Zone

- Joe Finn

These days, playing all the way through a game and being completely let down by a half- hearted end boss and ending is becoming more and more common. What with developers being pressured into producing milkable cash cows rather than good games, what do you expect? Sequels, prequels, downloadable add-ons and expansions; you name it, they are in development and they are all being made at the expense of a damn good ending!

But things weren’t always like this…

Back in the late 80′s – early 90′s (or as I like to call it…”The Golden Age” of computer games) the main emphasis was solely on the end boss. This lead to some truly epic encounters. There wasn’t a need for silly achievements, points or trophies; we had all the motivation we needed. We just had to beat the game. That was enough for gamers because back then games were much harder.

Games felt like an epic journey as you battled your way through, offing tough end-of-level bosses that crossed your path until finally reaching the absolute pinnacle: the end of game boss. Auto-saving checkpoints? Pahaha! Don’t make me laugh! Helpful in-game tutorials? Not a chance: read the f*cking manual! That was the kind of time we lived in and that’s what made games so special. It’s such a shame that this “retro aesthetic” is lacking from games of new. However as long as franchises like the Mega Man franchise continue to exist, it will live on.

No other series personifies the “retro aesthetic” more than the Mega Man franchise. Not only is every Mega Man game extremely tough (FACT!) but they also serve as the perfect reminder of how awesome retro game bosses could be. Take Mega Man 2 for example. The game itself follows the traditional Mega Man formula: Mega Man must defeat an array of robots created by an evil scientist, collecting some of their various traits along the way, before the final showdown with the anonymous scientist himself.

The whole journey you must take as Mega Man is one of epic proportions. Battling your way through the various themed levels (which is no mean feat itself considering how tough some of them can be) and defeating the end of level bosses (such as Bubble Man and Heat Man), builds for a truly epic final battle with Dr Wily. This is just something you don’t see in games anymore.

Haha...his name is Wily....that looks like Willy...which is another word for penis...teehee!

And Dr Wily, whilst anonymous until you actually get the chance to fight him, is utterly memorable. Again, this is something you don’t really see in modern gaming anymore. I mean, when was the last time you fought someone as memorable and as iconic as Bowser, Dr Robotnik or even Mecha Hitler from Wolfenstein 3D? That’s right, it was a while ago. Well, that’s if you can even remember any at all. They just don’t make end of game bosses like they used to.

Quite possibly the boss of all end bosses, Mecha Hitler!

It seems modern day gaming is all about style over substance. So much effort is poured into graphical trickery and what a boss looks like rather than actually making the final fight enjoyable. After all, the perfect end boss should not only look incredible, but also have character, instill emotion, be fun and unique to fight, be difficult but not too difficult and provide perfect closure (I don’t ask for much do I?).

This point is possibly best demonstrated by Epic’s Gears of War 2. Don’t get me wrong, Gears of War 2 is a brilliant and incredible looking game. However it has quite possibly one of the worst end of game bosses I’ve ever had the misfortune of encountering. The Mutated Brumak boss sure does look splendidly grotesque (all in 1080p, HD awesomeness), but it’s also extremely boring, weak and disappointing: a bitter end to a brilliant game. Epic got it so right in Gears of War 1 with General RAMM, it’s just a shame that they couldn’t deliver “the goods” in it’s otherwise improved sequel.

Another trend that I’ve noticed, and this really bugs me, is that quite often than not developers will just ramp up the difficulty right at the end in order to make the end boss seem far more powerful (Killzone f*cking 2). Again, this harks back to retro games, because old games are renowned for being notoriously hard. The difference is that they were extremely tough to play all the way through. They didn’t have a huge difficulty spike right at the end like a lot of modern games do.

Killzone 2's Radec is one hard motherfudger!

A game should have a finely balanced difficulty curve. Because retro games were consistently hard it meant that whilst the games were tough, they were consistently tough. This created a finely balanced, progressive difficulty. It seems developers these days neglect all of this. By just making the last boss extremely hard, all difficulty balance goes out of the window. What you’re left with is a player who gets frustrated, having to try and try again until eventually they just give up.

This all culminates in the player wasting countless hours playing and never sees the end. Where is the logic in that?! At this rate developers won’t even bother with endings. They’ll all start making end bosses that no one could ever beat, that way they wouldn’t have to waste time thinking up a proper ending because no one would ever see it. This may sound crazy but I guarantee in a few years I’ll be proven right.

In fact, creating even a passable end boss is such a fine art that some of the gaming worlds most influential, famous and highly regarded pieces of work are guilty of muffing it all up. Case in point, widely accredited as being one of the best games of all time; Final Fantasy 7. Whilst gamers are more often than not recalling all their favourite moments that made the game so memorable, they often forget how truly awful the last boss actually was. Final Fantasy 7 did the exact polar opposite of what I have just been talking about. Rather than making their last boss crushingly hard, beating Sephiroth was far too easy. Rewarding players with Cloud’s final limit break, even if they hadn’t previously unlocked it, made the battle essentially a one hit kill. Not very clever considering you’ve built up to this epic battle over three bloody discs!

And that’s not all, what about the dedicated players? What about people like me that played the game for hours… and hours… and hours… and hours… and… well, you get the picture. We unlocked every limit break, found every summon, maxed-out levels, collected all the materia and beat every enemy. And for what? I’ll tell you; absolutely nothing.

Even the mightiest fall...

But I’m sad to say that Final Fantasy 7 is only the start. What about gaming’s most iconic character? What about Mario? That’s right, even the Super Mario Bros. franchise is guilty of dropping a stinker from time to time. Proof that retro games also suffered from the curse of rubbish end of game bosses is Super Mario Bros 1.

Whilst Bowser may be memorable, your first encounter with him in Super Mario Bros 1 is extremely brief. Much like Final Fantasy 7, an epic battle is built up as you go from castle to castle in search of Princess Peach, who is being held by Bowser. However, once you come face to face with the monster it becomes far too easy, quite literally a hop, skip and a jump actually. You simply wait for him to walk onto the bridge, jump over him and walk into the axe to chop the bridge down and send Bowser to a fiery death. Talk about underwhelming.

It’s not all doom and gloom though folks. Thankfully there are developers out there who still care about what matters the most; the final encounters. The Zelda series has always had great end bosses. However, at the end of The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, we’re shown that modern games can get end of game bosses right sometimes. Ganon represents a truly epic battle built over the entire course of the game that requires some skill to prevail. The difficulty is just right and ends fittingly with a beautiful stab to the head. This is the stuff that dreams are made of.

Wind Waker's showdown with Ganon is nothing short of brilliant.

It’s just unfortunate that quite often, these are nothing more than dreams. What we actually have to play is more like a nightmare.

- Kieran Roycroft

3D Dot Game Heroes came out of nowhere for the vast majority of us here at The Newb Review. You may remember a preview of the game some time ago by our very own JoeFeesh, this preview garnered some intrigue for some of us, and certainly got the rest of us down right excited about the release of this title.

The premise of the game is perhaps the most intriguing thing about it. It is set in a land called Dotnia Kingdom, where peace was upheld by six magical orbs. An evil being attacked the land, a hero rose up and defeated the monster with the help of a sacred sword.

So far, so Zelda, but this is where it gets really interesting. The tale of the heroes exploits brought visitors from far and wide, but when the numbers of these visitors start to dwindle, King Dotnia decides to make this 2D land become 3D. Thus the pixelated graphic style is born and a new hero rises up to seek out the now stolen six magical orbs.

Welcome to Dotnia Kingdom, in all it's blocky glory

Essentially then, 3D Dot Game Heroes is a 2D Zelda-style game, pushed forward into the 3D era. All the charm of the original adventure titles remains in tact and sly nods here and there to the fact that this is essentially an old Zelda game make for a suitably post-modern slant on the genre.

This is a game that knows very well what it is and exploits it to the max. You’ll find the typical bow and arrow and grappling hook that have largely become the staple diet of the genre as well as a satisfying hack ‘n’ slash sword fighting mechanic.

To modify the genre even more and play up to the fact that the entire world is made up of tiny lego-like blocks, the game allows you to upgrade your sword by making it longer and wider. There are various swords to be gained throughout the adventure and each has a varying amount of potential, which dictates the extent to which the sword can be upgraded.

The hero was definitely compensating for something with the size of his sword...

The ability to make your own hero is a nice touch. Here you are given a rectangular frame in which to place coloured cubes to create any hero you desire. However, I found it difficult to create anything decent looking and found that the multitude of standard heroes was more than enough for my tastes. Also, creating your own hero only differs the games aesthetics and has no real impact on gameplay. Having said that, having a shark fin or Santa Clause run around the screen is a hoot and doesn’t really get old.

The camera presents an isometric view that feels very much like a handheld or old-school adventure game, blown up onto the big screen. There is a surprising amount of detail and variation found with the characters as well as enemies throughout the adventure. Anyone that has disliked the trend of recent RPGs, such as Final Fantasy XII, where there isn’t a town to be found, will be happy to know that towns are not only present in 3D Dot Game Heroes, but vibrant and accessible. Whilst there’s as little to do within these towns as any other RPG; short of upgrading weapons and buying armour, there are townsfolk to interact with should you be so inclined.

Towns! Well... Town.

The music begins as a nostalgic throwback to yesteryear; however the lack of variation and unrelenting high pitch of the soundtrack is generally unpleasant. In-game characters are also entirely text based, so there aren’t even any voices to break up the kitschy track. Essentially then, you’re really only left with an assault on the ear drums that is best turned off to ensure your enjoyment lasts more than ten minutes. I’d suggest putting on Absolute 80s on the radio to enhance the nostalgia the game conjures.

With the music turned down to minimum within the options menu, the remaining sound effects are a lot more palatable and further the wistful feel of the game suitably.

Lose a bit of health and your sword diminishes massively.

The main problem with the game is that, as charming as it is in the beginning, there are a few frustrating moments where it’s unclear what you have to do. These sections, though few and far between, will have you reaching for your laptop and pointing your generic internet browser towards GameFAQs.com rather than persevering to figure it out yourself. At worst, the frustration may even cause you to turn it off altogether.

3D Dot Game Heroes really is a delight if you can get past the irritating music and creates an engaging and entertaining Zelda replacement if you’re sick of all this modern hi-res nonsense. Suitable for both adults and children, I can whole heartedly recommend you give it a try.

Review Round Up

Graphics: 4/5 The block style is a neat idea that is suitably followed through. Perhaps a little jarring at first, you soon get used to the visual style. Play this enough and you may even begin to see the world as a collection of blocks…

Sound: 2/5 The music is criminally kitsch and immensely irritating after the first five minutes. Switch this off in the options though and the remaining sounds are solid enough.

Story: 3/5 This is ripped straight from the Zelda handbook of how to write narrative, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Gameplay: 4/5 The old school mechanics will make you remember a more innocent time in gaming. However, losing health causes your sword to diminish immediately and may well mean you avoid battles as much as possible.

Longevity: 4/5 At around 20 hours this presents a sizeable adventure for the price. However, there isn’t anything to get you coming back for more, save for a few trophies.

Overall: 3.5 Magical orbs out of 5: This is a great start to what could become an excellent new franchise. The “Game Heroes” in the title suggests possible spin offs… Perhaps a 3D Dot Racers? This reviewer will be watching with great interest.

- Tom Wallis

[starreview tpl=16]

£24.93 @ The Hut
£24.95 @ Zavvi
£26.89 @ Send it

“The Wii is for babies.”
“There aren’t any hardcore games on the Wii.”
“I never play my Wii because there aren’t any games.”

Are these the kind of things you find yourself saying to your friends and on forums as you consider how much money you might get if you trade in your Wii? Then Joefeesh and Mightyles have just the list for you!

Here you’ll find some of the best games to play on your Wii and they even come on cute, tiny little discs that your Wii will happily munch up and play. In fact, Nintendo make the only current generation console that has 100% working back compatibility with their previous console!

Upon writing this article we learnt something. There are so many unique experiences that we had on the GameCube that haven’t been carried forward (or at least successfully) to the Wii by any developer. But, by the magic of backwards compatibility, we are able to recommend that you quickly rush over to our Amazon Store and pick up this entire list of games, a GameCube controller and memory card.

Kick your Mum and little Sister off your Wii, pack up the balance board, move the sofa closer to your system (wired controllers) and get ready to give your Wii some quality time.

The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction

I take every opportunity I can to say how much I love this game. Hulk: Ultimate Destruction is the strongest experience there is on the Cube. It smashes any other Hulk game out of the park. Most Wii games are green with envy at the combat variation.

That’s enough bad puns. What I really want to talk about is how good the combat is. With dozens of attacks, combos and special moves, this game is infinitely better than the much later 360/PS3 game, Prototype, from the same developer. There’s almost nothing as satisfying as the moment you unleash a super elbow drop from a skyscraper onto a giant Hulk Buster robot. Or the devastating and aptly named Critical Pain attack (which is a flying head-butt).

This isn’t even fair. Don’t you know he’s the World Breaker?

There are so many ways to crush your foes that you could almost forget about the storyline. Thankfully, the story line is not obstructive to the experience, like in the Hulk comics; it merely provides circumstances for the Hulk to plough through, ignorantly destroying everything in his path.

The city isn’t exactly varied in appearance compared to the likes of GTA, but at least there are other areas you can visit, including the desert town and military bases. The environments are partially destructible and jumping off the highest skyscrapers is a great rush.

P.N 03

Back in 2003, mega Japanese developer Capcom made a pledge to release five permanent exclusive titles for the Gamecube. Of those five (Resident Evil 4, Viewtiful Joe, Killer7, Dead Phoenix, and P.N 03) three of them made their way to the Playstation 2 within a few years, and one was never released. The only true Gamecube exclusive title is P.N 03, created by Shinji Mikami, the creator of Resident Evil. Playing as super athletic mercenary Vanessa Schneider, you are given a powerful mechanical suit that allows you to fire laser beams from your palms. Played from the third person perspective, you are hired to destroy a legion of robots by a mysterious client, and must shoot, duck, dodge, and bound your way through an arcadey score-based shooting game.

Vanessa Schneider may be the only woman on earth that is not able to multitask

In a way, the real beauty in this game comes from the limitations set on the player; you are unable to move when attacking, but can perform acrobatic dodge manoeuvres to avoid enemy fire. Enemies themselves follow fairly predictable patterns and as such the game is as much about recognising patterns and perfecting your timing as it is about shooting and dodging. Depending on how well you do (i.e. how big a combo you are able to earn and how little damage you take) you are awarded points that you can spend on upgrades, and new moves or outfits. Having said that, the game is brutally difficult in places, and has a rather old fashioned continue system; if you use all of your continues then you have to start the level again. Much like Killer7, P.N 03 is a bit of a curates egg, and as such will not appeal to everyone. Having said that, it’s definitely worth giving a spin if you can find a copy for the right price.

Beyond Good and Evil

How many games have you got emotionally attached to? There aren’t many for me these days, and two of them are on this list. It takes a special kind of game to actually get people to invest their feelings in the experience.

The protagonist, Jade, is a reporter and photographer as well as a caring foster parent to orphaned children. Her generosity is completely understated; with no self righteous speeches. Although she’s a pretty lady, there’s no gratuitous sexualisation or gender exploitation. She’s one of the best female characters in games and even the legendary Alyx Vance of Half-Life 2 looks like she’s been designed using a Jade mould in more than just appearance! Coincidence?

Jade kicks alien ass from the start. She’s so cool.

Beyond Good and Evil has a big following, but it generally went under the mainstream radar, producing quite poor sales for Ubisoft. It’s a damned shame because it’s not even a niche or hardcore experience. This game gives you beat’em’up action with adventuring, vehicle racing, and photography. All this is tied together with a very strong story and believable characters.

Beyond Good and Evil (2003). Half Life 2 (2004). Sisters separated by a console generation?

With hints of a sequel in development, there’s no better time to jump in and get on the “we want Beyond Good and Evil 2” bandwagon.

Donkey Konga

There are hundreds of music games out there; 90% of them from Activision. But back in the good old days they weren’t so common and Donkey Konga was something special.

Donkey Konga came with a cool set of bongos that also included a little microphone in the middle to hear you clapping. There are 4 inputs – hit left, hit right, hit both and clap. It’s that simple, but extremely fun and didn’t cost £100. At release it was only £5 more than a regular priced game and you can pick it up now for about £15. In fact, I recently went over to our Amazon store and ordered a copy.

Can you feel that DK beat!?

With 31 tracks including the mammoth challenge Hungarian Dance No. 5 in G Minor, the music is a great mix of pop, rock, classical and game themes. The Hungarian Dance is one of the hardest songs, when played on hard mode (Gorrilla) it is one of the funniest things you’ll do in games.

My friends and I used to take it in turns to try to complete the songs on hard mode. You couldn’t get any closer to a Wii TV advert; it was sickeningly fun. There will never be a Nintendo music game as good as this on the Wii, because you can guarantee it would use the Wiimote, like Samba De Amigo, and all the fun would be instantly lost with the lack of any contact. The bongos make all the difference. They feel great to hit and they’re very responsive.

This is one for everyone. Every kind of gamer will appreciate the fun here, once they get their hands on the bongos!

Luigi’s Mansion

The premise is simple: Luigi, Mario’s green-clad, effeminate brother, receives a letter in the mail one day informing him he has won a fantastic Mansion in a competition. The thing is, Luigi does not remember entering the contest. Couple that with the fact that his brother Mario is missing, and you have the start of one of the Gamecube’s launch titles; Luigi’s Mansion. Upon arriving at his new mansion, and discovering it to be of the spooky variety, Luigi is ambushed by Ghosts, and promptly wets himself. Cue Professor E. Gadd, a decrepit, bespectacled ghost hunter, who comes to Luigi’s rescue.

Arming Luigi with a super powered vacuum cleaner, the best tool known to man for capturing ghosts, and a hand-held computer that looks suspiciously like a Game Boy Colour, Luigi must clear the mansion of ghosts and discover what happened to his brother.

Bustin' makes Luigi feel good!

With wonderfully characteristic graphics, Luigi’s Mansion was essentially the best Ghost Busters game ever made. The key to capturing ghosts was to let them sneak up behind you, and then turn around and shine your torch in their face, temporarily stunning them. All that’s left to do then is let rip with the vacuum cleaner. Each ghost has an energy bar that is depleted by dragging the ghost in the opposite direction to where it is trying to go.

As well as generic ghosts, there are a number of unique ghosts that have certain criteria to be met before you can capture them. Clues to solving these fun little puzzles can be found by using your Game Boy’s camera to scan them for their weakness. Once every ghost is cleared from a room, the lights come back on and order is returned. Clearing every room in the Mansion allows Luigi to find Mario.

Killer7

Killer7 may very well be one of the most insane games ever made. Effectively, Killer7 is an on-the-rails first person shooter, a la House of the Dead, except you have a bit more control over where you are going. Pressing the A button allows you to go forwards, the B button has you moving backwards, and upon reaching intersections you can choose which direction to go, but that’s it in terms of navigation.

I personally found the narrative to be utterly impenetrable, but at the same time compelling. You control one of the world’s greatest assassins, who just so happens to be suffering from multiple personality disorder. Rather than just thinking that he is multiple people, he physically transforms his entire body depending on what personality comes to the fore at any given point. Each of the 7 personalities (hence the name Killer7) has their own unique abilities, such as Mask De Smith, the Mexican Luchador personality.

Killer 7 is brain blisteringly mental

The game features a truly unique graphical style that is both low tech and high art at the same time. Written by Suda 51, maker of No More Heroes on the Wii, and made by Shinji Mikami, the creator of Resident Evil, Killer7 is pure Japanese madness. I can honestly say that, as good as this game is, it gave me a headache every minute I spent playing it. Others will have a higher tolerance for the barmey ideas and kooky gameplay, particularly those that love all things Japan. Despite saying how much the game made my mind hurt, it is definitely one of those titles that I would recommend everyone try, simply because it is so unique.

Eternal Darkness

In another Gamecube title that revolves around a character inheriting a spooky mansion, Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem is a third person survival horror game from Silicone Knights, makers of the Soul Reaver series and… err… Too Human. Playing as Alexandra Roivas, you explore your dead Grandfather’s mansion in search of chapters of an unholy book known as The Tome of Eternal Darkness, made out of human skin and bone.

The Tome details the history of an ancient Roman, Centurion Pious Augustus, who becomes the undead servant of an ancient evil god. As you discover each new chapter you take control of a different character, each in various different time periods.

Getting love bites from Zombies does little for one's sanity metre

One of the best features of the game is the sanity metre. This is lowered by seeing the horrible monsters you are supposed to fight. As the metre gets lower and lower, your character’s grip on reality begins to break down. Various on-screen effects add to this experience, such as a distorted camera angle, fake “glitches”, bleeding walls, distant screams, and enemies that are not really there. The sanity effects (or should they be called insanity effects?) are wonderfully atmospheric, and add a great deal of tension to the game. In order to fill the sanity metre back up, you need to defeat enemies with finishing moves. Eternal Darkness is, without question, a must have game for fans of old school survival horror games.

Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean

There were quite a few good RPGs on the GameCube, but what really set Baten Kaitos apart was the card battling system, collectables and gorgeous pre-rendered backgrounds.

This game is still well worth playing now and I wish I had never sold my own copy, especially considering I wasn’t able to finish the 40hr+ game. It’s also very rare to get hold of, with copies still selling for £25 and up. That price is the only thing that makes me a little hesitant to recommend for everyone because it’s quite a niche title.

Card battling games seem to have died a bit of a death, aside from crappy kids games. I find it a real pity and I’d love to design a card battling game myself, just to revive the genre. Baten Kaitos allows you to collect over a thousand cards and use them to unleash massive attacks unique to each character.

The turn based battles are a bit like Final Fantasy with teams of characters but also with cards and hundreds of attacks

Along with attacking cards there are also food and magic type cards that have different effects. The food stored in your bag in the game is also affected by the amount of time you have had it. Food has different expiry times and if you don’t use it in time, it could harm you. You can also combine food to get better cards.

When the game first came out, the visuals were absolutely stunning to me. I’m sure they’ll be a little less impressive now but the art style still holds up with detailed hand painted environments and colourful special moves.

If you want a hardcore and lengthy RPG on the Wii, then Baten Kaitos is probably still one of your best bets.

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

It’s the year 2000 and the GameCube has just been announced. A pre-rendered video shows off the power of the new system with all its franchise favourites. The video includes a fight scene depicting a “realistic” Link fighting Ganondorf in a display, which whipped fans into a frenzy of anticipation for the next Zelda game.

Fast forward one year and the “realistic” Zelda game is nowhere to be seen, but instead is replaced with a colourful, cell-shaded, kid friendly Zelda, which is announced as the next in the series. A massive backlash leaves a bad taste in the mouth of many gamers and the press alike.

If you like the art style, you are in for a treat

The most ironic thing I find, looking back at the video, is that it’s quite clear Wind Waker was a far better looking game than the demo released a year before. It was, however, the polar opposite of the gritty, dark world that was promised, which was later delivered in Twilight Princess.

But if you can look past the colourful and cute exterior, Wind Waker is Zelda at its best. If you like the series (or even if you don’t) and you haven’t played this game, you should definitely give it a try at least. Aside from the, sometimes, tedious boating between islands on the massive map, there’s a tonne of content and depth. All of the usual Zelda mechanics, including dungeon crawling and sword/bow/boomerang fighting are there and the open sea provides an extra element of exploration.

Don’t let the colour put you off, this game is as hardcore as any of the other Zelda games, it’s just cuter.

Playing GameCube Games on your Wii

You’ll need:

• A GameCube controller, which you should be able to pick up online or at your local games shop for about £5
• A GameCube memory card. I recommend getting larger than the basic size memory as last generation memory costs and it’s tiny
• A GameCube or Wii! (Gamecube memory card and controller fit into the top of the Wii underneath the flaps)
• One of the above games

Enjoy!

All of the games above can be found at Amazon. If you buy through our own Amazon Store, you will be supporting this site!

Joefeesh Plays Mario Galaxy

After going all 3D in Mario 64 there was no way te next game was going to be in 2D, but where could Mario go next? Sunshine put the hearty Italian on a tropical island with a water jetpack. Strange move and, although it reviewed extremely high, it did not do anything groundbreaking and many disliked the basic water squirting gameplay.

But where Sunshine didn’t shine Galaxy beamed. The setting is a strange galaxy where star systems are made up of a mixture of small planets, tiny planetoids and asteroid fields. The real innovation is in the gravity based gameplay. Run and jump on a small enough planet and you may orbit it several times or even fly off. Sometimes head spinning and always fun. The 3D platforming is totally refined, you won’t find better.

Space, the final frontier for Mario?

Even on an HDTV the amazing visuals hold up here. There’s a certain softness and sheen that makes you want to pick up and eat everything in the game. Level design is absolute genius, surprising me even down to the last few levels.

As far as I’m concerned this is one of the greatest games ever made.

Mightyles Plays No More Heroes

Meet Travis Touchdown, Pro Wrestling enthusiast and professional Hitman. Armed with a light sabre like sword, Travis sets out to become the number one Hitman in town. In order to achieve his goal he must take down all of the higher ranking assassins in Santa Destroy, California. Of course you cannot just walk up to these people and demand a duel, it is far more complicated than that. With your trusty motorcycle you ride around town performing jobs in order to earn money and enough experience to proceed. Missions involve collecting coconuts, cleaning up garbage around Santa Destroy, and killing a certain number of opponents as quickly as possible. To say that this game is bizarre is an understatement.

Travis Touchdown, a legend already

For a game that is so narratively focused, the story is peculiar and in some parts baffling. Fortunately it is a great deal of fun to play. Between missions you can drive around the city of Santa Destroy looking for missions, and visit shops to buy upgrades. The only real downside to this is that the city itself is mostly barren, so exploring the city offers little reward. The missions themselves are fairly linear and usually only require you to kill all of the enemies and progress through the level, before you must face the boss characters. The fighting controls are mainly controlled through swiping with the remote, although you can perform wrestling moves on enemies by pressing button combinations. It is a quirky and charismatic game, full of memorable characters, and fun game play elements, creating a well rounded package of peculiarity.

Joefeesh Plays Okami

There is a debate out there that’s been going on for a long time; are games a form of art? Okami is a working argument that they are. The visual style is beautiful and although not much has changed in terms of graphics from the PS2 to the Wii (there is now widescreen) the art style is what makes the game so pretty, not the technical prowess. It’s hard to understand until you see the game in motion, and see for yourself how the world moves and feels like a living painting.

Beautiful

The game is set in a world with Gods, mythical creatures and spirits. The monster Orochi is out to turn the world into a wasteland filled with monsters. You take control of Amaterasu, the Sun God, embodied as a white wolf, using the 13 celestial brush techniques to save the world. The brush techniques are a series of symbols that can be drawn on screen using the wii-mote pointer, with varied results in combat and interacting with the environment to solve puzzles or get over obstacles.

One thing to note about Okami is the length. If you like to complete games then you have a marathon on your hands here with over 40hrs of gameplay, easily.

Mightyles Plays House of the Dead: Overkill

It seems that the Nintendo Wii is the new home for light gun games with this generation of consoles. Sega in particular have released a selection of their old arcade light gun games on the Wii, including The House of the Dead 2 and 3 Collection. Their follow up game, House Of The Dead Overkill, is a game that has been made specifically for the the Wii. The style of the game has been dramatically overhauled, moving to a graphical style similar to a 70s exploitation movie, and a world populated with quirky over the top characters. There is a film grain filter over the graphics, and the script is pure trashy B movie material, with numerous hilarious moments. In short, it is fantastic.

EAT BULLETS VILE UNDEAD BEAST!!

In the tradition of House of the Dead games you can play through the whole game either in single player or in two player co-op. As well as the story mode there are a number of zombie killing mini games, as well as a director’s cut mode that is unlocked upon completion of the game. There are a number of bonus materials to unlock, including character designs, music, videos. You can also purchase and upgrade weapons to use in the single player modes, with the amount of cash that you earn being linked to your performance on each level. While the single player can take roughly five hours to complete, all of these collectables can provide incentive for replaying the single player, as you strive to unlock more bonus content.

Joefeesh Plays Metroid Prime Trilogy

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption was released on the Wii in 2007 and is the finale to one of the most renowned and critically acclaimed series in games. The first 2 games appeared on the Gamecube rebooting the Metroid franchise in 3D with great success. In this pack is all 3 games in the series, presenting a great value package for the price of a normal full game release. The first two games are also upgraded with the finely controlled pointer shooting from the most recent in the series.

Set phazors to kick ass

A first person shooter at first glance, Metroid Prime’s gameplay is heavily rooted in exploration. The story is not the typical space marine fest. In the ruins of a dead alien species, you must use phazon, a substance that is poisoning your body to enter a hyper mode and become powerful enough to stop Dark Samus before the poison takes your life. This game is not for the action junkie but for those looking to experience an adventure.

With gorgeous art design the worlds are rich and full of culture and everything runs at a super slick framerate so the action is smooth and the chugs.

Joefeesh Plays De Blob

One of the most fun games on the Wii, De Blob is a unique game that mixes painting with platforming. I use the phrase art style again because this is what games on the Wii, have to do well to look good most of the time. The Wii doesn’t do HD graphics and hasn’t got much processing power but games like De Blob look great because of their style.

Colour the world

De Blob is a living ball of paint that has taken up arms in the Resistance against the evil I.N.K.T corporation, who have drained all the colour out of Chroma City. Throwing yourself at buildings instantly paints them whatever colour you are currently. Smash pots of paint to change your colour and find all the patterns to give the city even more style as you paint it back into a vibrant, fun loving metropolis.

The things I love most about De Blob are the music that reacts dynamically to how colourful you’ve made the city and the funny video skits that you unlock as you progress and do well in the game. My 5yr old son loved to flick through the videos, and artwork which he found hilarious (so do I).

Mightyles Plays Super Smash Bros Brawl

To describe Super Smash Brothers Brawl in one word is challenging. If I were forced to do so, I would likely choose the word Hectic. Make no mistake, despite the bright colourful graphics and loveable cast of Nintendo characters, this is not a game for children. Not down to any concerns over content, but simply because this game is hard. This is the third game in the series now, and for the most part the specifics of gameplay have remained unchanged since the Nintendo 64 original. Four players stand on a level and hit each other until their damage reaches such a high level that each subsequent blow sends them flying further in to the air. The aim in this game is not to remove any arbitrary health metre, it is simply to knock your opponents off of the level, and try not to get knocked off yourself. The action is frantic and fast paced, with numerous Nintendo specific weapons, such as Pokeballs and fire flowers, falling out of the sky ready to be used by the players.

You touched Kirby's cake? DIE!!

While the core gameplay is much the same, new additions to this game include the single player Subspace Emissary mode, which mainly resembles more of a platform game than a combat game. You are tasked with leading specific characters through levels, avoiding hazards and enemies, and making it to safety. You can also collect character trophies, and pieces of music. A level creation mode has been added, which features a ton of customisation. You can share your creations online, and download the creations of others. New characters include Sonic the Hedgehog and Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid. Did I also mention that there is an online multiplayer mode? Unfortunately you need to exchange friend codes with someone in order to play them online, which can make the online mode a little bit too much of a chore to actually enjoy at first. While it is not a game for everyone – many may be put off by the sheer craziness of the game – it is difficult not to recommend.

Joefeesh Plays Excite Truck

As one of the launch titles on Wii Excite Truck remains the best racing game on the console. Massively underrated at release, Excite Truck is undoubtedly one of the most exciting arcade racers there is.

The controls take some time to get used to, partly because they are very sensitive and partly because the trucks you are driving are going so mind blisteringly fast that onlookers to the game tend to become totally disorientated, wondering how the player is managing to follow what’s going on.

Fly you fools!

The feeling of speed however is one of the games strongest points and is something that is lacking in a lot of today’s racers. I just can’t play a racing game after Excite Truck that makes me feel like I’m going 30mph when the clock is showing 90mph. It’s just so boring. Which is something nobody can call this game. Flying off massive jumps, sometimes even mountains is commonplace, smashing into other trucks is expected and driving through special markers will make the whole land deform and all of this will gain you extra points in your attempt to “S-grade” every course.

Also Excite Truck is about the only game on Wii that integrates music from your SD card into the game. And it does it well, fading out so you can just hear the wind as you fly off a massive jump to add a great feeling of height. Try listening to the Israel Kamakawiwo’ole version of Over the Rainbow while racing in Fiji in the rain and you’ll see why your own music is a must.

Mightyles Plays Madworld

Ultra stylish Sin City like graphics in which the only colour you can see comes when you brutalise one of your enemies, filling the screen with their crimson life blood. And the blood, oh the oodles of blood, and excessive violence are all in the name of sport. Madworld is a blood sport simulator that is entirely slapstick in tone. There’s something utterly hilarious about taking a stop sign from the side of a road and ramming it in to the head of an enemy you had previous trapped by sticking him in a dumpster. Did I mention that this dumpster was also on fire?

He should have read the sign

To get down to the specifics, Madworld is an arena based combat game in which you must score a certain number of points to progress to the end of the level. Each level has a unique boss who you must defeat to rise up in the ranks of the competition. Sure you can murder everyone you see with your massive chainsaw arm, but the real way to get points is to be more imaginative in your killing. The ideal combo usually involves trapping your enemy by sticking a tyre on him, impaling him with some sort of sharp implement, and then dragging him over to some environmental hazard, usually involving spikes, and waving the remote around like crazy as you splatter him in to a fine pulp. It sounds easy, but the later levels become increasingly difficult, with enemies that can kill you with one hit, and more complicated motion controls. While it is not a very long game, and can get a little tedious if you play it for prolonged periods of time, Madworld is a fun, arcadey, gory, yet humorous game that will satisfy your inner child no ends.

Joefeesh Plays Scarface: The World is Yours

If you want something along the lines of GTA on your Wii then you want either The Godfather or Scarface. Leading on straight from the film, you get to play out what would happen if Tony Montana had survived. You will act out his revenge and rise back to power.

You filthy cock-a-roach!

There’s a lot of fun to have here, with great pointer controls to aim, that feel really great. The guns are varied enough and satisfying and the violence is bloody. If you think there is no violence and swearing on the Wii, you are wrong. Although the gameplay is fun the missions and drug runs can get pretty repetitive but this doesn’t spoil the game.

The voice acting is great, Tony Montana just is Tony Montana. I couldn’t get enough of him calling people filthy cockroaches while blowing their heads off. Classic Tony. Great game.

Mightyles Plays Resident Evil 4

Surely taking one of the best games from the PS2/Xbox/Gamecube generation, porting it over to the Nintendo Wii, and tacking on motion controls sounds like an exercise in futility, never mind the fact that it sounds like a rubbish gaming experience. Colour us surprised then when we discovered that the Wii version of Resident Evil 4 may very well be the best version of this game to date. The aforementioned motion controls are intuitive and make perfect sense; moving your character with the Wii nunchuck, and using the remote itself to aim your reticule feels perfectly natural, in fact it feels more than natural, it feels like the way the game was supposed to have been played from the start. You take control of Leon S Kennedy, the protagonist from Resident Evil 2, on a mission in some vague part of Europe to rescue the President’s daughter Ashley from a weirdo druid cult. What starts out as a simple search and rescue mission soon descends in to a frantic fight for your own life against a sea of monsters and hideously deformed cult members.

Just a little closer...

Sure the game still suffers from some of the criticism levied at the game when it was originally released, namely that it is a little too long (there is a whole section of the game that takes place inside of a castle that the game could have probably done without) but that does not change the fact that Resident Evil 4 is one of the greatest action games in recent years. Perhaps it is a little damning of the Wii to say that one of their greatest games is in fact a Gamecube game, but that would be doing Resident Evil 4 a disservice. It really is that good.

And There’s More…

The above games are just a selection of the games out there. Here’s some of the other games that we didn’t write about but are definitely worth playing:

• World of Goo
• Wii Sports Resort
• Mario Strikers Charged
• Boom Blox 1 & 2
• Lost Winds 1 & 2
• Super Paper Mario
• The Legen of Zelda: Twilight Princess
• Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles
• Mushroom Men: The Spore Wars
• Murumasa: The Demon Blade (not out in UK YET)