So it seems you’ve lost your way a bit when it comes to video games. I’m just dropping you a little note to let you know how it should be done; hopefully you won’t make the same mistakes again because your last “effort” has been a rather painful experience.

Just over yonder there's... absolutely nothing

Firstly, the issue of narrative; building to the climax of a story is usually what writers aim to do. That’s kind of their raison d’être, if you like. So to have the climactic ending of the story: tracking down Bill Williamson, ruined by poorly implemented pacing is something of a downer. Let’s face it, overall in terms of story there isn’t much going on in Red Dead Redemption. It’s hard to see how then, you managed to speed through the only exciting parts of the story at such a blistering pace, resulting in a game that comprised of around 90% riding your horse across sparse countryside and only 10% doing anything of any interest.

Also, just a quick note related to story telling; it’s important to show gamers how to play the game and implement any features you’ve put in, but here are a few tips on how to do it properly:

1. Tutorial sections should be short and to the point. Endlessly searching for flowers and skinning animals (with an animation that is too long and isn’t skippable – another annoyance) is no fun at all.
2. Tutorials should be at the start of the game. Herding sections, which are basically a mechanism to tell me how to ride a horse, really shouldn’t be found after playing the game for 20+ hours.
3. Either explain how to do everything, or nothing at all. I had to look online to see how to win at the pistol duels which are littered throughout the game like unwanted gifts a dog has left on your carpet. Even the manual was of little use, which is something of a crime.

It must be said that the setting is breath taking and you’ve delivered the beauty of everything from the setting sun to a raging storm with grace and finesse. Also, I appreciate that the Old West was a pretty desolate place with only pockets of civilisation, but please remember that this isn’t a simulation. Did you play GUN at all before brainstorming how to make a decent Western?

"Get out of the way - you're blocking the sunset!"

To someone that has played rather a lot of GUN, it seems as though you’ve taken this exciting world and simply added extra space; filled with nothingness for the player to simply traverse. You force them to follow some (achingly slow) idiot to some desolate and remote location to kill someone or do some random task that no-one cares about before heading back along the same tedious path to another, equally as boring location.

I’ve got to admit, you have done something of a magic trick with Red Dead Redemption. However, the magic isn’t in the beauty of the Open World or the accomplishment and gravitas of the narrative, but rather the astonishingly high review scores for what is essentially a competent, but somewhat mediocre, game.

Rockstar: "Now just kill this fellow in a duel... No, we won't tell you how."

Your game has highlighted one thing I guess, and for this you should be applauded; professional reviewers don’t spend enough time with a game before forming an opinion and jotting down a few thousand words. If they had played just a few more hours of your latest game, perhaps the reviews would have been a little less gushing and a little more accurate.

Yours faithfully,

Thomas Wallis

P.S. GTA IV was also a bag of shite.

The epic war of the consoles between Sony and Microsoft (the Wii isn’t made for gamers; see ‘iRate: Wii never play it really’) seems to have descended into a tit-for-tat squabble; each company sinking to new lows by securing the exclusivity of relatively minute amounts of individual titles. Sure, the Joker maps from Batman: Arkham Asylum are only available to PS3 customers, but does Sony really think that this pathetic half-step is going to incense XBox owners into purchasing the rival console?

The PS3 exclusive Joker Maps are no laughing matter for XBox owners

Don’t get me wrong, I use Sony only as an example here; Microsoft is by far the worst offender. Since launch there have been a number of DLC exclusivity deals struck by Microsoft, but here are perhaps the two biggest: Grand Theft Auto IV and Fallout 3.

What makes this worse is the overall quality of this exclusive content. The DLC for Fallout 3 in particular has been met with some mixed reactions. It’s difficult to argue that Mothership Zeta and Operation: Anchorage achieve anything other than detracting from the overall quality of the Fallout experience. Also, our very own Luke ‘Mightyles’ Mears didn’t think much of The Ballad of Gay Tony.

The Ballad of Gay Tony? More like the Ballad of Gypped PS3 Owners!

The word “exclusive” is also something of a misnomer in this context. With the exception of the Joker maps for Batman: Arkham Asylum (although time will tell on that one), almost every piece of exclusive DLC has been a timed exclusive. So after a period of time the DLC is launched on the rival console anyway, usually to the complete disinterest of gamers everywhere. Only the most hardcore fans of Fallout 3, for example, are going to shell out an extra £30 to get their hands on the five packs of new content. The majority will leave it on the shop shelf where it belongs.

Bad DLC in itself isn’t a massive issue, but when the companies we rely on to produce quality products that are worth our time and money begin to shell out large amounts to secure bad content, you know that something is awry. The global gaming industry has become so concerned with rivalry and getting one up (intentional cheeky Mario reference) on each other that it has completely forgotten the people in the middle, the people that really matter, us bloody gamers! And exclusive DLC is living proof of this.

A prime example of timed exclusive DLC not worth the wait

Games developers should be committed to producing titles that deliver the complete experience for anyone that digs into their wallets to purchase a game. It doesn’t matter what format, gamers should be afforded the courtesy of this complete experience.

DLC exclusivity is a corruption of this. Not only are developers selling off parts of the “experience” to the highest bidder, but by doing so they are segregating their audience, causing increasing disillusionment with the developer. We shouldn’t be punished for choosing one console over another. The only kind of exclusivity The Newb Review can endorse is for a full title. Furthermore, by selling off the rights to portions of games through DLC, developers are not only showing a lack of backbone, they are also telling the world that they are driven solely by profit and that they don’t respect the very people to which their products are aimed.

Developers aren’t the only ones at fault though. The tit-for-tat rivalry between Sony and Microsoft, expressed through DLC, is nothing short of childish, playground bullsh*t. If they weren’t so willing to throw away cash carelessly, just to ensure exclusivity rights on the latest and greatest game ad-ons, the thought of exclusive DLC for consoles wouldn’t be so imprinted on the minds of developers, and perhaps us gamers would be treated a little less like mindless sheep.

This is a call to arms: gamers of the world unite. We need to tell the corporations to cease this petty battle for DLC exclusivity. From now on it’s full exclusivity for a title or nothing at all. No more of these petty half-steps to nudge people towards choosing your console.