Adam thinks… For once

Scrawled on some loo roll in Crayon, The Newb Review found this little gem from the disturbingly simple mind of Adam…

Why would I spend my hard earned money on virtual clothes?

When I can go out and buy REAL attire, which would make me more attractive to the ladies and even a little bit more like a normal human being. Well I don’t know why, but I have been buying Nike, Diesel, Adidas, burton and even GAP clothes in video games for various doppelgänger’s regardless.

I often wonder what the point is, when for starters nobody else in the world of my xbox live friends list would think twice about weather my avatar is wearing this seasons underpants.

And nobody in the cold empty and utterly boring Playstation Home’s virtual mall cares for the furniture in my virtual house on a Caribbean island. I should be out in my real shopping mall, meeting real people and possibly real women, to take back to my real house and show off real furniture from ikea.

But reality or not, retail therapy feels good, and that’s probably why its a good business, I think my generation of games has more or less made character customization and essential part of any new releases; something which, if left out, can even land the developers in a steaming pile of complaints from fans who expected better. And I agree with the fans wholeheartedly as I do enjoy changing the hues of my power armor and super suits.

Annoyingly, just like in real life, it’s impossible to put together an outfit which is entirely unique, because there is always some other pretender out there who has bought the same outfit or the same pet, same house, same everything. Essentially meaning that when you’re by yourself, you are captain cool, the freaking fonz man, yeah when I’m in my pad with all the items I have earned or unlocked though games, I’m the freaking don. But as soon as I step out into the lobby or go browsing everyone else’s avatars so i can judge them, I am just another schmuck like the 15 other schmucks with the same pink t-shirt and top hat.

That might sound bitter but the fact is, I like to think of myself as a man apart, and that’s the way I like it inside my television. You could say that’s big headed, but that’s because my head is bigger than yours, no hat ever made has been able to comfortably sit over the circumference of my cranium, FACT. So I buy artificial hats, I can live out the feeling of a warm crown or a shaded brow though my avatars.

“What about avatar games” I hear you say? Surely games like Ages of Booty, Avatar Golf and even Baby Maker Extreme justify spending your Microsoft points on all manner of costumes, because with these games I can actually see my avatars doing stuff. Not just procrastinating in my friends list, but actually in a game where I can interact with them. WELL YOU’RE WRONG!

So far the XBox live market place has yet to fabricate a half decent avatar game, and by half decent I mean it should have minimum 20 hours gameplay; lots of unlockable avatar rewards, plenty of achievements which are not easy to get but not too hard and a story would be nice as well.

I have always thought that the best way to get the general public to buy clothes, pets or props for your Sony or Microsoft double is to make the online shopping experience more exciting than real life; something which no console or PC has yet to master.

And that’s why Sony and Microsoft have failed to make any money.

Its not a waste of money, what you’re really wasting is time, lots and lots of time.

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Fri, May 14 2010 » Adam Thinks..., Articles

6 Responses

  1. Mightyles May 14 2010 @ 11:40 am

    Why buy avatar clothes when you can unlock them in games like Left 4 Dead 2, Splosion Man, and – err – Dead to Rights Retribution.

    Having said that I have had my eye on a little Avatar pet for a while now…

  2. Lavalampbamboo May 14 2010 @ 11:47 am

    I think it’s interesting. On 360, when everyone saw the Avatar clothes, people said “I’ll never buy them” but I’ve noticed how most people have bought at least one or two things. If I have money left over after buying an XBLA game, I might spend 40 points on an eyepatch, thats like what, 30 pence? It’s a clever business model from MS that allows them to get a small amount of money from most people who buy MS points. 30p time several million is a hell of a lot.

  3. vVv Diesel May 14 2010 @ 10:16 pm

    I haven’t purchased anything from them an I won’t either, sorry but these are even more pointless than the extra car packs I keep buying for Forza 3, Forza 2, TDU, PGR4, PGR3 okay so basically any car game that offers card add-on packs.

    Oh jeez, when F1-10 or TDU2 comes out I’m going to explode!

  4. joefeesh May 15 2010 @ 5:46 pm

    I’ve never bought avatar clothes and won’t. It’s not the kind of thing I waste my money on.

    I’m really tight.

  5. Crofterz May 19 2010 @ 12:39 pm

    Joe…that’s what she said….

    To be honest i’d never purposefully buy points to get avatar clothes…but when theres that bit of MSP left over that you can’t buy anything but avatar stuff with…it’s just too tempting for me.

  6. Mightyles May 19 2010 @ 1:09 pm

    @crofterz yeah, I don’t see a problem spending those left over points. I mean, it’s not like it will cost you anything, you’ve already handed over the money to microsoft before you got any points at all.

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